grace through those who light the way

Who are all of the luminaries in your life?

in the spirit of working towards a heart filled with gratitude, what better place to start than with the people who have helped me on my journey.  joyce rupp calls them "companions of growth."  she says that it's very rare that we can grow spiritually completely on our own or in isolation, and that certainly rings true for me.  i know God because of the people in my life who have shown God to me.  who are these people in your life?  who are the people who have believed in you and your potential for growth?  who are the helpers who have either knowingly or unknowingly aided you in your search for your true self and your life path?  who has challenged you to see parts of yourself that you were blind to?  who has given you courage to go deep and think in new ways?  who taught you how to pray?  who encouraged you to use the gifts you've been given?  join me today in giving thanks for these people who have lit the way on our journeys.  we would not, could not be who and where we are today without them!  their presence in our lives is grace - pure gift from our loving God.  i don't know about you, but my heart comes close to bursting with gratitude when i think about all that my "companions of growth" have done for me!

life is so very short

i have started writing this post many times and stopped because i'm still not exactly sure that i have the words to say what i want to say.  i think there are times in all of our lives when what is happening around us - or to us - forces us to stop short and really realize what a precious gift life is.  a number of those events have happened around me lately, and this reminder of life's short-ness is at the front and center of my heart and mind.  

first it was the death of 20 sweet children in newtown, connecticut on december 14.  then it was the death of a friend's husband, right before christmas.  then it was the death of one of my mom's students, the daughter and sister of long-time family friends.  these three events, which occurred within two weeks of one another, were horrific, impossible to understand events in the lives of those directly impacted (family and close friends).  but these kinds of events, i believe, can and must serve as reminders to those of us slightly removed or even greatly distanced, that life is short.  and precious.  and we just never know.

i don't know about you, but i get so caught up in each day's routines, lists, chores, meetings, and things that have to get done that i do forget.  i forget about what really matters.  i get sucked into thinking that crossing off checks on a list and running around like a crazy person are what life is all about.  WRONG!  i tell myself it's just a sign of the times - that everyone gets caught up in silly stuff that doesn't really matter.  it may be true, but it's also just an excuse.   

one of my favorite children's books is "the three questions" by jon j. muth.  it's adapted from leo tolstoy's short story, "the three questions", so it's pretty deep, as all the best children's books are.  in it, nikolai is a young boy who is trying to find out the right way to act, the right way to live.  a wise turtle helps him to find the answers to his three questions:

1. What is the best time to do things?
Now.
2. Who is the most important one?
The one you are with.
3. What is the right thing to do?
To do good for the one you are with.

good reminders to live in the present moment, appreciate the folks around us, and try to do for others whenever possible.  

the appreciation thing is key for me right now.  it's my main resolution for 2013 and my main prayer as we head into lent:  for a heart filled with gratitude.  even when i think i don't, i have oh-so-much to be thankful for.

grace in new life

Sure do love those little fingers!

this entry has been a long time coming.  excuse the delay!  on saturday, september 29, 2012 (my parents' anniversary), a beautiful little being entered the world and it will never be the same.  odette vivian made me an aunt (tante in dutch), and i will never be the same.  on sunday, december 16 after an excruciatingly long wait, i finally got to hold her in my arms.  my heart has never been so full, nor my smile so wide!  the two weeks i got to spend with her were nothing short of sacred.  it may have partially been so very special because i had waited so long to meet her, and partially because i don't know when i'll see her again, but mostly it was because she is just the sweetest, most lovable, snuggly little person.  i am serious when i say that i miss the smell of her spit-up on my shoulder.

dear odette,
your mommy and daddy don't want your picture posted all over the internet and although i would love to share your sweet smile with all 7 of my readers, i respect their wishes and will refrain.  let me just say that this world is a better place because you are in it.  our family is better because you are in it!  you are a beautiful little creature, my little chunky monkey and snugglebum.  i absolutely hate being so far away, but am very grateful for skype and face time so i can at least virtually watch you grow.  you are four months old and have already flown across the atlantic ocean, left your parents to play with your friends at day care, begun to roll over and eat solid food.  you are amazing!  don't grow up too fast - your parents want to cherish every moment!  you have a strong name, shared by strong women, and i have no doubt you will someday be a strong woman yourself.  you are already a strong-willed little lady!  continue to learn and grow, but take your time, and all the while, know that you are very, very loved.
love and mooches,
tante caitlin

And those little toes!

you aunts out there know what i'm talking about.  it is truly amazing.  and seeing your sister as a mother, having brought life into this world?  mind-blowing!  such a beautiful thing.  i am just in awe of this great responsibility she now holds for the rest of her life!  i am so very excited for future visits as this little one makes her way through each phase of life!  wishing my sister, her husband, and their little lady all the grace in the world as their adventure continues!

grace in random acts of kindness

today started off rotten.  just plain rotten.  it was cold and rainy.  i had a full day's worth of work ahead of me, and was planning to be at school for the majority of the day.  and right about then, as i was thinking about 42 million things, i neglected to think about what was probably most important at that moment and locked my keys in my car.  can we say thank God for AAA?  because i definitely was thanking God for AAA!  

finally got my car back and had to take it in to the dealership because a little light came on my dash saying there was some kind of problem with my tires.  i figured it might take an hour or so, and brought my ipad just in case.  it was a lifesaver- turned out i had time to catch up on ALL my tv shows!  that's right - i was there over 5 hours.  a blessing in disguise, as i never would have taken the time to sit still NOT doing work for that long otherwise!  turns out there were other issues, totaling to about $300 worth of work.  the timing couldn't have been worse - my checking account is running very low and i need every penny for christmas gifts!  

i told the service guy that all i could pay for was to get the tire plugged that had a nail in it - the rest would have to wait.  an hour later, he called me up to explain what they had done.  turns out he plugged the tire for free, and did the other things too!  the grand total on the bill was $42.  seriously?!  i almost cried.  i thanked him so much for his kindness.  he said whether or not i could afford them, all of those things needed to be done, and i had waited patiently all day, and it's the season of giving, so it just seemed like the right thing to do.

what an incredible, unexpected, random act of kindness!  i am thinking about how to best pay it forward...

thank God for thanksgiving!

so it seems the last time i publicly gave thanks was back in august.  sad, i know.  pitiful, even!  i'm going to be brutally honest, so if you aren't prepared for it, stop reading now.  the truth of the matter is that the past few months have been pretty tough, and the really ugly truth is that i haven't been very thankful.  as i write those words, i feel like a spoiled brat.  i know that in the grand scheme of things, my life is not that hard.  i know that i am surrounded by God's beauty and grace, but knowing that intellectually and feeling that deeply and strongly are two very different things.  

in my last post, i promised to blog more about yoga and running.  the problem is that since school started, i haven't been doing much of either of those.  i haven't been doing much of anything other than working.  and yes, it is working for a great cause and it is great work, but at the end of the day, it is still work.  and i am tired.

the pope has declared this the year of faith.  we have been challenged to think about what this might mean for us.  for me, i have decided, it is a year of holding on tightly to my faith even when life is rough, even when everything i know is challenged, and even when it doesn't feel good.  it is also a year of discernment, of checking in with God and with my inner-most self about this life i'm living and whether or not i am living it as authentically as possible, in a way that gives life to both myself and others while at the same time giving glory to God.

which brings me to the title of this post.  i am thankful to God for many things, but at this moment in time, i am thankful for thanksgiving.  i am thankful for the opportunity to spend a few days "just be-ing" with my family, resting instead of working, being surrounded by God's creation and able to see it for all its grandeur.  i am thankful for time to stop and smell the pumpkin pie and listen for what God might be trying to tell me in the quiet moments that sneak their way in to this wonderful holiday.  i am thankful for the forced opportunity to realize that there is oh so much to be thankful for.

in the spirit of giving thanks...

this summer, i am so very thankful for:

Getting back into running (more to come in a future post)

Yoga (more to come on this in another future post)

Playing instead of working on Fridays!

My new neighborhood favorite spot...I've been here way too much this summer!

Thanks, Mom and Dad, for beginning my obsession with this show.  I love these people and fear I may have been born on the wrong continent and in the wrong era...

Dear, dear friends (many, but not all of whom are pictured here!)

My precious little niece (pictured here at 33 weeks!)

your grace is enough

there's a song by this title that matt maher sings.  it's based on this quote from 2 corinthians 12:9:

He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me.

the word that i am most focused on right now is "enough."  the homily at mass this morning was one of those amazing-hit-you-where-it-hurts-didn't-even-know-you-needed-to-learn-this-lesson-until-you-heard-it kind of messages.

true confession:  my greatest weakness/sin/character flaw, whatever you want to call it, is probably that i don't live my life as if everything that is, is enough.  i want to be grateful for everything and have an "attitude of gratitude" and an "abundance perspective".  but more often than not, i don't.  i find myself wishing for more or different or less or not even noticing the blessings before me because i'm too d--- busy.  i get so caught up in what i want, what i need, being too tired, too stressed, hungry, thirsty, lonely, angry...

today's gospel was about the bread of life and how Jesus gives himself to us so that we can be strong.  these words from john were of great comfort to me today:

I am the living bread that came down from heaven;
whoever eats this bread will live forever;
and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world.

it also always helps for me to think about life as a journey.  perhaps the greatest gift the camino gave me.  but when i hear these words, i hear Jesus offering me strength for the journey.  so in the coming weeks, as school starts back, as i inevitably struggle to maintain work/life balance, as i fall short of what i hope to accomplish day after day...i hope i remember to turn to God.  i hope i remember that his grace truly is sufficient.  i hope i remember that when i am weak, God is strong, and i am never alone.