so...my last post was about the power of prayer, and i haven't posted in the last few days because although i absolutely believe in the power of prayer, sometimes things don't work out the way we want them to. i did the last post on friday, and sometime during the night, my best friend kim spiked a fever and acquired an infection that sent them into the hospital. if you want to read the story, you can at her blog, but i will just say that after a grueling labor and delivery, little tobias joseph was born silently that evening. my heart just breaks for them, having only an inkling of the emotional weight they must be carrying after losing their sweet boy- only compounded by the grief resurfacing from the loss of their first child, sweet natalie claire.
i came across a painting called "tobias and the angel" that i wanted to share with you. all afternoon on saturday, as kim was in labor, i was praying for tobias' angels to surround and protect him. i know one of those angels is his big sister, and i believe another is our mutual friend becky, who died from a brain tumor exactly six years ago to the day- may 1, 2004. in the bible, tobias is guarded by the archangel raphael.
angels are something i went through a brief obsession with earlier in life (middle school, i think it was), but haven't thought much about recently. i can never remember what the church officially says about them and how they rank, but honestly, i don't really care. to me, they are the connection between heaven and earth. my mom's always been fond of angels and i can't help but think that it's just something you need for your own sanity when you become a mom- to believe that there are angels watching over your children when they aren't with you (even when they are). imagining sweet toby surrounded by angels and saints and Jesus and his heavenly mother, Mary is one of the only things that brings me any consolation; i hope it helps kim too, although i'm sure she would give anything to have both of her children here with her, like it should be.
yesterday i was having a rough day, finding it really hard to focus on my work and think about anything other than my dear friend and her suffering. i was feeling horrible that i live so far away and can't be there to do all of the things that i know other people are doing- cooking meals, cleaning house, running errands- the distance makes me feel helpless. i know she understands and wants me to be where i am supposed to be, but times like this make it tough. i know that praying and spreading the word so that others can pray is one important thing i can do, and i have been trying to do it as best i can. i really was just longing to be able to do something to help, though. then, last night, i was sitting on the front porch talking to my mom on the phone when a sweet old golden retriever strolled down the street, up our walk, and laid down next to me on the porch. she was beautiful, but you could tell by the white around her face and her trouble getting up the stairs that she was old. i told my mom i had to go and just sat there, petting the dog. it was already a special moment, but then i looked at the tags and saw that her name was "angel." i just started crying as i was talking to my sweet angel and trying to comfort her and make her feel welcome when clearly she was lost. it hit me that she was here so that i could do something and be helpful. she needed me to give her some love and then walk her home. and i needed to be able to do something- technically for the dog, but it was my love for kim, brandon, and toby that i was pouring our onto this four-legged friend.
angels come in all forms. i know some of you reading this blog don't like animals, but i'm telling you, i believe with all my heart that that dog was sent to me from above- my angel. kim and brandon, know that i am sending you all the love in the world with every thought and prayer and wishing it weren't so. toby, i know you miss your parents, but your sister will take good care of you and both of you can look out for your mommy and daddy until the glorious day many years from now when you will all be reunited again.
"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares."
-Hebrews 13:2
Oh, what a sweet story. I too have a angel sent in the form of a Golden Retriever. One night my husband was away. I can never sleep and spend most of the night scared when he is gone overnight (which is very, very rare thankfully). I was in bed wishing we had a dog, maybe I would feel safe if I knew a dog were walking around the farm. A few minutes later, I thought I heard a noise and got up to look outside. Sitting under the yard light was a Golden Retriever barking at something, or nothing. Our farm is completely fenced to protect animals from coyotes so I have no idea where the dog came from and where it went becasue the next morning it was gone and I have never seen it since. I too am praying for your dear friend.
ReplyDeleteJenny,
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing story! I am beginning to think there is something very special about these dogs! Thank you for sharing your experience! And most of all, thank you for praying for Kim during these dark days.