grace to have courage

i know God has given me some wonderful gifts, and i say that with a humble heart, but y'all- courage was not one of them.  in fact, you may as well just call me the cowardly lion.  we even both have curly hair.

i've been thinking about this a lot lately, and wishing i were braver, more courageous, more willing to do what needs to be done, no matter the consequence.  but i just think too much.  i weigh the options- and the consequences- and i get scared and nervous and talk myself out of it- whatever "it" is.  i wish i could think of a specific example, but it's not so much the big things as the little ones- the person who just needs to hear the truth, but you really don't want to be the one to tell them- the little change you could make in your life that might have a great impact, but you can't bring yourself to do it- the will to keep believing in the good when it seems like everywhere you turn, there is bad. 

i've been reading the help lately, kathryn stockett's first novel.  i love it, but i am warning all of you out there that are dealing with sadness in your lives- don't read it.  not yet.  there's a lot of sadness in this book.  that being said, some of the characters in this book are the most courageous women i've ever met.  okay, so technically i haven't actually met them, but you know what i mean.  it takes place in the 1960s in jackson, mississippi, and it is the story of the black women who go to work everyday for white women, cleaning their houses and raising their children.  beyond that, it is the story of them staring danger, violence, and even death in the face and refusing to be scared.  or maybe it's not so much that they're not scared, but rather that they are so tired of being silent and letting things go unquestioned that they suck up the fear and do what they think needs to be done- not as much for them as for their own children.  i read about these women and think about all of the people in this world throughout history who have had courage i dare not even dream of, and i am just in awe. 

i know the bible says to "be not afraid" and "be of good courage", and in my head, it makes sense that i have nothing to fear because God is walking beside me always and God's strength is my strength, but...but...

my dear friend kim was watching oprah not long ago and sent me this quote that she said: "i believe we're born into this world trailing grace."  i have been thinking about it ever since, knowing that i would eventually write about it.  i don't know what oprah meant by it, but to me, it means one of two things.  either grace is always just beyond us, something we can only dream of catching up with on our best days...or it's paving the way, giving us direction, beckoning us forward, and leaving traces of itself behind for us, to help us when we need it most.  i choose to believe the latter, which means there is always hope- and maybe tomorrow will bring with it just a little bit more courage than today.