letting go and letting God

i went on a retreat in college with this theme.  it was a much-needed message to me at that point in my life, and unfortunately, if i'm honest with myself, , it is a message i still need to hear, over and over again.  you see, i am by nature a control freak.  this whole notion of going with the flow, letting God work in God's mysterious ways, and letting things unfold naturally is one that is not only foreign to me, but one that i just really struggle with.  the irony of this is that over and over again in my life, things unfold more perfectly than i ever could have planned or my great plan ends disastrously, proving that God is indeed worthy of my trust and that my perceived notions of control are actually quite ridiculous, because even when i think i'm in control, there's always so much that is beyond my reach.  as you can imagine, this is definitely a challenge in my professional life, where i'm in a position of leadership and perceived control, and then even more so in my personal life.  the latest example of this is my sister's recent wedding.


although my sister and i have a lot in common, we are by nature very different people.  she is creative, artistic, spatial, and a dreamer.  i am concrete, logistical, a planner and a worrier.  so when i arrived less than a week before the wedding, there was a clear vision of the spirit and ambiance she wanted to be present on her special day, but not exactly a clear plan of how we were going to get there.  we sat down, created a spreadsheet, timelines for each day, and to-do lists galore.  i was feeling pretty darn great.

well, you know what they say about the best-laid plans.  flights started getting cancelled and postponed, people were nowhere to be found when they were needed, and things rapidly began to spiral out of anyone's control.  meanwhile, my sister just smiled, laughed, and embraced the beauty that was all the people she loves together in one place, finally.  she didn't get caught up in the details or the imperfections or the little bumps in the plan.  she was the epitome of a grace-filled bride.


and guess what?  it all came together.  it was beautiful.  it was better than we ever could have planned.


i still have a lot to learn.