grace in solitude

the past few weeks have been challenging for me.  i have felt somewhat lonely, coming home to a quiet, empty house every night.  grandma is two states away with my parents.  i have always loved my solitude, and at times since moving here, i have craved solitude.  but now that i've got it, i'm ready to go back to the way things were.  i'm done being alone.  i miss having grandma here.  that whole "be careful what you wish for because it just might come true" idea?  yeah.  got it.  thanks for the lesson, God.  i'm ready for grandma to come back tomorrow.  

of course, life rarely meets me on my terms.  grandma won't be back for another month.  so...i've decided i need to find the grace in this time of solitude.  this time.  this space.  see it as an opportunity, rather than an obstacle.  as with so many situations in life, i feel my experience depends on the lens through which i choose to view it.  i know a lot of my mama friends are probably reading this thinking they would give anything for even just a day to themselves, which makes me feel a bit foolish for complaining.  but there is such thing as too much of a good thing.  mae west would disagree, but that is one of the many life lessons my grandma has taught me...moderation is key! 

 

so here i am.  experimenting with new recipes.  reading for pleasure for the first time in a long time.  taking a yoga class.  trying to make new friends.  trying to do new things that might allow me to meet new people.  and when all else fails, flying up to boston for the weekend to remember what it's like to be surrounded by people i love who love me back.  i still wish grandma would come home soon.  but i am trying to appreciate this time for what it is...me time.  i hope i can say that i used it well when it is over.  i'm sure i'm meant to be learning something during these weeks all to myself.  perhaps it is that i am not meant to live alone?  perhaps it is greater appreciation for my grandma?  perhaps it is just a reminder that i am never truly alone, and this time is an opportunity to grow in my faith in the great grace-giver.