to give you a bit of background, my dad's parents have lived in raleigh for my whole life. i have countless wonderful memories with them, but in the last five years or so, my grandma's health has declined slowly. it started with her legs and having to use a walker after a hip replacement, then that slowly turned into a wheelchair. she has lost the use of her hands and slowly her speech as well. the only real way that she can still communicate is by blinking- once for yes, twice for no. it's very hard to watch my once gorgeous, headstrong, refined and hilarious matriarch crumpled up in a wheelchair, unable to tell us how she's feeling or what's wrong. as frustrating and sad as it is for us, i can only imagine that it's heartbreaking for my granddad, and worst of all for my grandma herself. she must feel trapped inside a body that no longer works for her. how often we take our bodies for granted!
anyway, yesterday, mom, dad, and i went up to raleigh to take down christmas decorations and have dinner with grandma and granddad. it was to be my last visit before flying back to boston. all day i had been trying to rub her arms and kiss her cheek and show her how much i loved her, but not once did i get any response from her; she usually just closed her eyes. it seems like she's always tired these days.
after dinner, my mom was talking to grandma's nurse about my school and the work i am hoping to do. she mentioned casually that i "learned everything i needed to know from grandma", to which i added, "everything important anyway!" and started recalling experiences that we shared with her as kids. as i mentioned the joy of having your hair shampooed in the kitchen sink, her face just lit up; it was about as close as she could get to a smile...and to me, it was pure grace. it will be the memory that i will carry until i see her again, however long that may be. thank you, grandma, for all the lessons you've taught me over the years, and all the joy you've brought to my life. and thank you, God, for this gift of grace as we begin a new year!
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