grace in the ebbs and flows of friendship

“ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.”

-the prophet by kahlil gibran

i don't often do tributes to individuals on this blog, but when i started it, i set its purpose as a place for me to write about my experiences with grace, and God, and there is no way for me to talk about these things without describing the people who bring grace into my life and who have brought me closer to God.  one particular person has greatly influenced my life over the past six years, and tonight i had to say goodbye because she is moving far away.  you may think i am being silly and dramatic because in this world of texting and email and blogs and facebook, no one is ever really far away.  well, all i have to say to that is that quality time must not be your love language.

i hadn't actually thought about the moment of saying goodbye when i agreed to share one last meal.  in fact, i hate goodbyes.  but at the same time, they are a form of ritual and i do see the value in ritual.  there were many moments throughout the meal when glimpses of times we've shared and conversations we've had popped into my mind, and i sent up a little prayer of gratitude each time.  then all of a sudden, it was time.  the kids were in the car, and i got that feeling behind my eyes and in my chest and knew that i couldn't stop the tears from coming.  i am so blessed to have someone in my life that it is so hard to say goodbye to.

"the way we are seen and understood by others is different from the way we see and understand ourselves. we will never fully know the significance of our presence in the lives of our friends. that's a grace, a grace that calls us not only to humility, but to a deep trust in those who love us."

-henri nouwen

karen, you will never fully know the significance of your presence in my life.  your willingness to walk with me on my journey and to allow me to walk with you on yours has meant more to me than words can say.  you have been a mirror to me, when i needed my own goodness and light reflected back toward me because i couldn't see it on my own.  you have brought me closer to God by sharing God's grace.  you have been a rare friend - the kind that don't come along everyday - the kind that i thank God for, always.  

i wish you the very best in this next chapter, which i know will hold many adventures and opportunities.  know that i am cheering for you and praying for you every step of the way, from a distance.

"don't be dismayed by good-byes. a farewell is necessary before you can meet again. and meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends."

~Illusions:  The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach

grossly imperfect, infused with surprising moments of grace

there was an awesome article in the bulletin at church this morning called "A Jesus for the Great Recession (and other dark times)" by john backman.  the basic gist of it was a topic i've written about before:  the idea that just like life, faith isn't all light and fluffy - it can be messy and dark, but that doesn't mean it's not valuable and worthwhile.  this is my favorite quote from it:


"this is more like the world i know: grossly imperfect, sometimes frantic and frightening, infused with surprising moments of grace.  this is the world, according to christian teaching, that God entered in the person of Jesus."


this is our world, this is life, this is definitely me...and i am so incredibly grateful for those moments of grace and for Jesus' entrance into all the imperfection.


one of the authors i know who best writes about this stuff is anne lamott.  i have read a couple of her books, and look forward to reading more.  she also writes about grace, and i love this quote:


“i do not understand the mystery of grace -- only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.” 


thank you, God, for grace amidst the imperfections!

grace via the u.s. postal service

this amazing card came in the mail today.  leave it to the friend who's been with you through thick and thin, since second grade, to send you words like this when you need them most.  theresa, i love you, girl!  thank you so much.  dear God, thank you for putting such amazing people in my life.

chicken soup for the soul

when i was in middle school/high school, i was obsessed with that series.  i think i either owned or had checked out every book that in any way related to me...for the kid's soul (I & II), for the teen's soul (I-IV), for the pet lover's soul, for the volunteer's soul...you name it, i had read it.  and sobbed all the way through it, no doubt.  when i got to college and in the post-college years, it was for the college soul, for the teacher's soul, for the traveler's soul, for the woman's soul, yes - even for the scrapbooker's soul.  you think i'm kidding.  click here to see the complete list of titles.  the point is, i read these books all the time and sometimes the stories made me laugh, other times they made me cry, but they always moved me and tugged at my emotions.


i'm at a point in my life now where these books just aren't cutting it for me anymore.  sorry, jack canfield and mark victor hansen.  it's just that i need more depth these days.  and sometimes i need to not read at all, but to feed my soul in another way.

the last two weeks have been rotten.  i questioned this the other day when i checked my horoscope and it said something about things not really being that bad and me just needing to shift my perspective.  after a few moments of consideration, i decided that while a perspective shift never hurt anybody, the last two weeks have been rotten no matter which eyes you look through.  cue the long weekend.  thank you, dr. martin luther king, jr.  i know you did many very important things and spoke many very important words, and this is probably sacrilegious, but what i am most grateful for right now is the fact that you did something important enough for us to get an extra day off of school.  i desperately needed it.

the danger in making service your life work is that you run yourself ragged for others until you have nothing left to give.  i was pretty close to that point by the time friday afternoon rolled around, so i decided to spend all weekend feeding my soul chicken soup.  truth be told, i would have given anything to be able to jump on a plane to some exotic island and leave it all behind, but that kind of spontaneity just isn't in the cards for me.  instead, on friday i drank a margarita with a friend and discussed life.  that night i slept for 11 hours.  on saturday i met a friend i hadn't seen in awhile for brunch.  then i met another friend downtown for mani/pedis.  then i read a beautiful book that my dad gave me for christmas:  my life with the saints by james martin, sj.  specifically, i read the chapter about st. ignatius of loyola.  what a guy!  definitely fed my soul.  i slept for 11 more hours saturday night, then woke up sunday and had a skype date with my family, then went to a bridal expo with another good friend, followed by a quiet lunch, a bit of sale shopping downtown, a beautiful Mass, and dinner with friends.  this morning, i had brunch with a friend, went to the market, did a little bit of work, and had dinner with two friends.  i started a new health plan with my mom and sister (thank you, myfitnesspal app).  i took care of myself.  i spent time alone and time with good friends and time with family.  i actually took time to talk to God and listen for God in ways that i haven't these past two weeks.  and guess what?


i feel much better.  as a new week begins, i am reminded of a prayer card my grandma gave me over christmas.  this is what it says:

so even though jack and mark haven't written a "chicken soup for the principal's soul", all is well.  heck, i could write it myself.  here's to a better week.  and if i do need to shift my perspective, God, (which i probably do), please give me the grace to do so!

out of the mouths of babes...

today was an awful day, all in all.  i don't want to dwell on it; i just want it to be over.  in the midst of the awfulness, however, there were two moments of joy that deserve to be documented:

1.  one of my ninja turtles in kindergarten (that's what i call them because all the boys in the family have the names of ninja turtles.  you think i'm kidding, but i'm not.) was sent to the office with a note that said he needed a minute to think because he was disturbing class and called the teacher crazy.  intrigued, i put on my oh-so-serious face and told him he needed to think for a minute and then i would have him come in and talk to me about what happened.  this is the conversation that ensued:
NT:  "i know what you're thinking.  i didn't say it." 
Me:  "didn't say what?"
NT:  "the note says that i said a bad word but i didn't."
Me:  "what bad word did you say?"

NT:  (points to side of head and makes circular motion)  "the boys said i did this, but i didn't do that because that's a bad word.  it's disrespectful.  it would hurt my teacher's feelings and i don't want to do that."
Me:  "you're right.  that is disrespectful and it would hurt your teacher's feelings."
NT:  "yeah.  if you do that, you should get kicked out of school.  it's so mean."
Me:  "well, this note also says that you were disturbing class."
NT:  "yeah.  that part's true."


it was very hard to keep my serious principal face on at that point!


2.  two third grade girls came to my office this afternoon and said, "miss k, we missed you so much over break that we decided to write you notes to tell you."  here they are:

"Dear Miss K, I really missed you over break but now I don't because you're here.  You're the best principal in the school and I think you're nice.  You let us have slush day and in my old school they didn't.  That's why you're the best principal.  Love, N."


"Dear Mrs. K, Happy new year and a very nice Christmas.  God bless you because you are very sweet and nice.  Everyone thinks you are very sweet and nice and beautiful and I love you so much.  Love, A."


nevermind the fact that i'm the only principal in the school.


these are the conversations i choose to remember from today.  i love my students!

hail mary...

full of grace.


i want to be more like mary.  i am thinking about this because today is the feast of mary, the mother of God.


mother of God.  i mean, what an amazing title!  of course, it comes with great responsibility, great sadness, which i don't think any of us would choose.

La Pieta, St. Peter's Basilica, Rome

i know i'm supposed to try to be like jesus, but it's easier for me to think about trying to emulate his mom.  her being a woman and all.  i'm sure i'm not alone in this, right?


i mean, to be holy and pure enough that God can grow inside of you...surely that is worth striving for?

This is the only image I could find that I liked of Mary pregnant.  She's filled with joy as she visits her cousin Elizabeth.

full of grace.


i have some beautiful women in my life who have been real-life examples of grace, surrender, selflessness...all of the qualities i attribute to mary.  my mom.  both grandmas.  various teachers, mentors, and friends.  if you're reading this, you know who you are.  thank you.  i guarantee i'm not the only person inspired and influenced by your gentle spirit.  i can only hope to be half as decent of an example when i grow up.  (sheesh, that day is coming sooner and sooner!)


full of grace.


if you're going to be full of something, i reckon it might as well be grace!

grace in humor, part 1

Rudolph Valentino, aka "Rudy"

this guy gave me my first laugh of 2012.  don't get me wrong, he will drive you crazy.  he barks at every little thing.  he has major digestive issues - constantly farting and burping (i'm serious - you've never seen anything like it - in fact, i call him "rudy toot").


but there's something about him that grows on you.  this morning, i was sipping my coffee on the couch, daydreaming about the year ahead, when all of a sudden who comes up and wiggles his snout up under my arm, wanting to be pet?  that's right.  he was so persistent i couldn't help but giggle.  you gotta watch out for this one, though.  show him a little love and next thing you know, he'll be crawling up on the couch to snuggle with you.  you know, the whole "if you give a mouse a cookie" effect.


rudy toot, i will miss you (but not your digestive problems) when i fly back to boston today!


happy new year, everyone.