i feel like i am one step forward, two steps back these days. just when i feel like i'm getting somewhere, finally growing in awareness/consciousness/intention, i end up back where i started. i received the sacrament of reconciliation one night this week. as i was sitting there, confessing my sins, i started to have deja vu. everything i was confessing i believe i've confessed before. why is it that i can't seem to learn my lesson and move on?
then i started to feel like a big hypocrite, because whenever i'm meeting with a student about something related to discipline and they say they're sorry, i always say, "well remember, the way we'll know you're really sorry is that your behavior will change and you won't do this again." yet, here i am, doing these same things over and over again. and you know what? it's not that i'm not sorry. i can honestly say that i may not be good at a lot of things, but confession is something i do really well. wholeheartedly. usually tears are flowing. must be that catholic guilt or something. but i am very sorry. and yet...
father told me to be more gentle with myself. he said it's a process and that i need to remember i'm not alone.
lord, help me through this process of becoming who i want to be and who you want me to be.
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