grace in the love, comfort, and acceptance of family

The view at Grandma's house!

this year, although i am thankful for many things (including a wonderful new job that i do love very much), i am concentrating today on how good it feels to be in familiar surroundings with my wonderful family (minus my wonderful sister, although her presence is very much felt).  this is the first time i have seen them since school started, and i have been trying for two days to pinpoint what it is that feels so special about this time in comparison with the other four thanksgivings i've driven down to meet them at this same place, with these same people.

i think it comes down to the simple fact that i feel like i can truly be myself, i can truly relax, and i don't have to worry about complaints or criticism; my family loves me no matter what, they believe in the work i'm doing, and they are proud of me, imperfections, inexperience, and all.  everybody deserves to surround themselves with such wonderfulness on occasion.  don't get me wrong; the people i work with are caring and affirming in their own ways, but i am still working hard everyday to build relationships, to build trust, to gain confidence...and rarely do i feel like i can totally let my guard down, because as soon as i do, somebody comes in needing me to put out yet another fire or complaining about a decision i made.  i feel like i always have to be "on".  here, i can truly turn it all off.  in my mom's loving embrace, my dad's delicious cooking, and my grandma's listening ear, i find the peace of mind that i sometimes forget i am seeking in everyday life.  in this love, comfort, and acceptance, i feel i am receiving the grace i need to make it until the next time i see them- just a short month away.  thank you, God, for family!

grace in a good end to a bad day

i think i can easily say that this past monday was the worst day yet of this first year in this new job.  i won't go into detail, but let's just say that after all was said and done and i was the only one left at school, i closed my office door, closed the blinds, and cried.  a lot.  it had been building up all day and it just wouldn't stay inside anymore.  after a few minutes, i dried my eyes and got back to work- not really feeling better, but at least feeling capable of finishing the day.  after a few more hours of work, i headed home, utterly exhausted, at about 8:45 pm.  even the beautifully lit-up skyline as i crossed the bridge didn't take my breath away like it usually does.  it was just one of those days and it needed to end. 

as i neared my neighborhood, all of a sudden i found myself turning my car into the McDonald's parking lot.  what possessed me to stop there, i really have no idea.  those mystical yellow arches have never had the same effect on me that they have on others i know.  in fact, it's pretty much always my last choice when it comes to fast food, and often i'd rather starve.  but for whatever reason, the universe pulled me through that drive thru, ordered a quarter pounder with cheese, and pulled up to the window. 

imagine my surprise when the mother of one of our first graders greets me at the window!  "do you live around here?" she asked.  i replied yes.  "are you just now coming home from school?" she inquired.  i almost broke down crying again at the sheer pathetic-ness i was feeling, but i managed a sheepish smile.  she refused to let me pay for my meal, told me how great i was doing and how happy her son was, and sent me home.  i found myself weeping tears of joy on the way home- yet again, realizing how blessed i am by this God who loves me so much and knows me so well that he sends me angels at the exact moment i need them most...and sometimes in the most unexpected places.

grace in occasional pampering

i hesitated whether or not to write this entry, because my good old Catholic guilt kicks in and tells me i should be doing something much more important on a day like today...like attending some kind of a service for local veterans or putting together care packages for soldiers abroad or something great like that.  the problem is that i spend all day every day doing important work, so today...i took the day off.  i texted my amazing hairdresser last night and she told me she could squeeze me in today.  it must have been meant to be, because even though they were busy, they were also able to squeeze me in for a pedicure (something i only splurge on for weddings, and yes, i am going to a wedding this weekend) and an eyebrow wax.  i mean, really...what are the chances?  i realize that this meant i was spending money i don't really have for these kinds of luxuries, but can i just say that as i lay there getting my scalp massaged during the pre-cut shampoo, i was pretty much in a state of bliss.  and warm water and exfoliating scrub on my poor little feet?  i don't know exactly what heaven is like, but i'm fairly certain there are pedicures there.  i sat there, reading one of my favorite books, soaking in the experience, and i just felt incredibly overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity to splurge on such luxury- and to have the time (the most precious luxury of all) to do it!  i'm pretty sure anytime one is overwhelmed with gratitude, grace plays a part.  so thank you, God, for a job that not only allows for the occasional luxury, but that i also love going to each day.  thank you, veterans, for your dedication and sacrifices.  thank you, country, for honoring veterans with a day off.  thank you, sam, for making room for me in your schedule.  thank you, grace, for not allowing me to take it all for granted.